I had a break down because I still don't 100% feel confident enough to stand among people that look a million times better than me, and even though I've put in so much work, I don't feel ready. I'm scared. I kid you not, everything that possible COULD go wrong has, and when I think things are looking up, something bad happens again. This has been the hardest week, mentally, physically and emotionally. I stayed up last night crying. For the first time, it's not outside forces telling me to quit. It's my own fear, and I couldn't stop. I've felt so strong and I've built up such thick skin through all this so that "no one can tear me down". I just didn't think I'd get to the point of ever wanting to quit because of my own doubts.
I'm so grateful for Scott though. He wasn't for what I'm doing at all in the beginning and last night he was so good to tell me stuff like "You've done so much.You can't quit now you're so close!" I love him. He helped me all through the night to feel pretty, strong etc. He listened to me cry for like 2 hours and let me ruin his MOM'S TEAM shirt with my tears.
Also grateful to my mom who after telling her how i was feeling this morning, she showed me this video. It's exactly what I needed to hear.
"It's not about winning, It's about FINISHING"
"There are times in life when you've fallen and you don't have the strength to get back up. Do you think you have hope? ...You see, I will try 100 times to get up, and if I fail 100 times, if I fail and I give up do you think I'm ever going to GET up? NO. But if i fail, I'll try again, and again, and again... You will find that strength to get back up."
Thank you everyone for helping me. Today's gonna be rough but I'm going to face it with no fear and no doubt.
I can do hard things.
I love you all.
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