ME: Weakness and finding strength today.

I'll be honest.
I'm exhausted.
Physically, mentally, emotionally.

I've been sick all week with an illness no one can figure out.. I'm super upset.

The only thing that usually makes me feel better-exercise, isn't physically possible.
I have been trapped in my basement, black hole of an apartment alone with my poor child whom I cannot take care of, because I'm confined to my couch, and the toilet side.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I'm so over not being able to do simple things like clean my house, and take care of Ashton as well as everything else. I haven't worked in a solid week. 

I need my healthy body back.

I need my motivation back.

I need Andrea back.

Okay. I'm done venting. I'm sorry. 

I'm grateful for things too.

My sister, Ali is in my kitchen washing my dishes as I sit here complaining.

My friends have brought in dinners, flowers and sent me kind notes and messages of encouragement and love.

My God has looked upon me and probably laughed at how dumb I look writhing about on the floor, but he has been with me. He has given me the sweetest little boy that when I'm crying or moping on the floor, will come tackle me and growl and laugh and smile at me until I can muster up the energy to smile and laugh back.

I've had help at work from Shelly, and Michelle and Hettie who have been so supportive, and have made time to help me even though they have lives, families and other responsibilities to attend to.

I've had Dr. John working to help me although he is SOOOOO busy. He's taken out his extra time to try and get me in for all these tests and things to help solve the medical mystery that is Andrea Veenker.

Also so grateful for Al, Lindsey, Tasi and my Scott who have helped me just by letting me cry and vent and talk, and just hugging me and telling me kind words. Thank you Scott for the blessings and the help with Ashton when I can't do anything.

Although I am upset, hurting and in tears 97% of the time, my heart is full at the love and support shown to me as I've been sick.

I'm not a negative person, so I'm probably driving everyone so crazy lately, and they still come back to help time and time again.

Thank you everyone. Thank you family, friends and medical professionals for the work and help.

As for me, I'm going to find a craft I can do to keep my chin up in this hard time.. also a craft that can be done from my living room floor seeing as this is where I've been and will be for a while.

Love,
Me.

Back to Blogging! (pictures at the bottom)

Okay,

Way to go me, for not posting ANYTHING since February? That's pretty terrible.

For those of you who follow me on FB, you know that I've been SUPER busy getting back to life, as well as adding a new job, as a MOM. CRAZY.

It has been a wild ride, but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world!

Husband and I have both been back to work, Scott is now working for Blendtec, ("Can you Blend it?" Check it out on YouTube.), and I have gone back to teaching Group Fitness at 24 Hour Fitness, PG Community Center, and BYU, and I'm adding UVU again in the fall.

I won't lie. Going back to work hasn't been easy. It was super hard physically to get back to teaching. Who would have thought of like 6 weeks of zero physical activity, that jumping right back into teaching as crazy classes as I used to would be hard... oh wait- everyone thought that.. except me.

Nevertheless, it's been so great to be back and be dancing with my sweet students! It's the biggest self esteem booster to walk into my class every week and have huge smiles greeting me and "YAY it's Andrea"'s.

It's absolutely amazing.

Since having a baby, I've gone on and accomplished a TON that I've just never had the guts to do. I competed in my first Ragnar, I completed my Les Mills CX Worx certification and did the training for LM Body Pump, and my Aqua Zumba certification. I've run another 5k (temple to temple 5K) and competed in a singing competition for Pleasant Grove, in which I took first place.

There's something about having a baby that makes you want to better yourself. I always thought I was doing okay, but now, I've had the urge to go do and try everything. I think because when baby Ashton grows up, I want him to look at all I've accomplished, and use that to inspire him and his future siblings to try hard things. To try things they've always wanted to try, and know you're never too old to follow a dream. It's NEVER too late to be who you want to be.

I also have had the drive to do all this, because I want my children to be like "wow, my mom's kind of cool.". Haha! I want my kids to grow up and see me as someone to look up to.

Next step that's in progress is to go back, and FINISH school. I CAN do it. I MUST do it.

My baby boy is the sweetest little guy, and I just hope that I can grow up to be the mom he deserves, and that once again, he can some day look to as a role model. I mean - his dad's already got it in the bag. Scott will be loved no matter what cause he's always doing projects and has the fun toys and stuff to do with Ashton when he grows up. I'm the one that has to work like a crazy guy to get his attention.

Okay so let me tell you about this little boy of mine-

Ashton Scott Veenker.
Born March 27, 2013 11:19A
8lb 11oz


He's 4 months old as of yesterday, and he's brilliant.
He's totally healthy, strong and he's so fun! I love having someone that smiles at me when I sing, or that will laugh at all my jokes. I'm totally going to enjoy that while it lasts!

We're happy he's here and all I do all day is watch him grow, and learn and it's amazing.

Now to tie that into health, bloggish stuff-
I lost about 27 lbs the week he was born, which was GREAT on my self esteem, and since he was born I've lost about 38 lbs. I gained A LOT with him. But I've been working hard and will post pictures for you all to see my progress as I figure out how to get my body back.

I've lost weight before, and I'm excited as I learn for myself how to lose baby weight and figure out life post pregnancy. It's CRAZY - the things that pregnancy does to a body! INCREDIBLE, but crazy. I look back at pictures when I was like "ooh i feel so faaaat" and I think "What was I thinking? I LOOVE GREAT in those photos!"
I guess you never know what you have till it's gone right?

But anyway- I think so far my biggest struggle when it comes to my current weight loss, is finding time to eat. I've been trying on eating every 2-3 hours like I tell my PT clients, but finding time to eat is so hard! You never know if baby is going to cooperate that day or what kind of mood he'll be in, or if he'll even sleep the night before.

When I'm so tired, I of course choose SLEEP over food any day. I'm still working on it though, and have been really good at having healthy snacks stashed everywhere to try to eat while baby eats. So that's been my biggest goal.

That, and I'm planning on going back to lifting this month at LEAST twice a week at 6 AM. Baby wakes up around 5, so I can feed him, hit the gym, and come home to shower and sleep before he wakes up again. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Thanks for being so patient with me as I've been away from blogging! My goal here is to at least update once a week.

Feel free to follow me on instagram if you're not already- andimaree

I love you all! Here are some pics for you to enjoy of this crazy year.

singing competition

baby astson 12 days old

Aqua Zumba Certification

Temple to Temple 5K with Ali and Ami

Baby Ashton 4 months!

Les Mills Body Pump Training Module

Ragnar - Honey Badgers

This face. Baby Ash.

Make Peace with Yourself.

Hey everyone!

I know it's been like two months since I've had a chance to write. With not being able to teach these last few months, you'd think that'd free up my time for blogging- unfortunately that's not the case!
Today though, it's early in the morning and I'm making time for this post because of how dear to my heart it is.

As you all know, I'm a HUGE fan of the The Biggest Loser, because of how much it helped me on my personal weight loss journey. It's seriously such an inspiring show and as much as being pregnant has made me feel not so successful in "weight loss", per say, I still have been driven to eat healthy and stay as active as I've been allowed by my doctor.

The Biggest Loser's theme this season, as some of you already know, is "Challenge America" where they have sent out a challenge to fight childhood obesity. ABOUT TIME! I'm loving every minute of this season and watching the "kid ambassadors" on their journey to a healthier, healthier and more confident lifestyle. People underestimate the power that comes from being healthy, and for yourself. There's a confidence that comes and with that, success in every aspect of life when you learn to master your personal self.

Today I'm watching this week's episode. (Don't make fun, we're Hulu people so we watch shows a hundred years later..)

They have issued a new challenge after teaming up with Seventeen Magazine. Did you know only 11% of girls feel confident enough to call themselves beautiful? That. Is. Terrible. So what Seventeen Magazine has done is set up a Peace Treaty, with the focus on attacking one's personal health goals rather than attacking themselves. As a personal trainer, I've had the experience of almost having to be half a therapist to my female clients especially. There have been and continue to be obstacles in their path to health that have been put there by THEMSELVES. The most rewarding thing for me personally is when my clients have gotten to a point where they look in the mirror and are proud of what they see instead of finding a new thing to pick at.

That's why today I'm signing this treaty and I ask that you, my sweet readers do the same.
Here's the treaty.

I Vow To:

• NEW! Do the little things that will keep my body healthy, like walking instead of hanging on the couch, or drinking water rather than something sugary.
• NEW! Appreciate what makes my body different from anyone else's. I love that I'm unique on the inside, I will try to feel that way about the outside too!
• NEW! Wear makeup only when I want to and it feels fun. I won't use it to hide the real me!
• NEW! Accept that my body will go through changes, and that's okay.
• NEW! Support my friends, who just like me, have their own body issues. Hey, we're all in this together!
• NEW! Put my energy toward the things in life I care about instead of wasting another ounce of it on my insecurities.
• Remember that the sun will still rise tomorrow even if I had one too many slices of pizza or an extra scoop of ice cream tonight.
• Never blame my body for the bad day I'm having.
• Stop joining in when my friends compare and trash their own bodies.
• Never allow a dirty look from someone else to influence how I feel about my appearance.
• Quit judging a person solely by how his or her body looks — even if it seems harmless — because I'd never want anyone to do that to me.
• Notice all the amazing things my body is doing for me every moment I walk, talk, think, breathe...
• Quiet that negative little voice in my head when it starts to say mean things about my body that I'd never tolerate anyone else saying about me.
• Remind myself that what you see isn't always what you get on TV and in ads — it takes a lot of airbrushing, dieting, money, and work to look like that.
• Remember that even the girl who I'd swap bodies with in a minute has something about her looks that she hates.
• Respect my body by feeding it well, working up a sweat when it needs it, and knowing when to give it a break.
• Realize that the mirror can reflect only what's on the surface of me, not who I am inside.
• Know that I'm already beautiful just the way I am.
• Not let my size define me. It’s far better to focus on how awesome I look in my jeans than the number on the tag.
• Surround myself with positive people. True friends are there to lift me up when I’m feeling low and won't bring me down with criticism, body bashing, or gossip.
• Accept the changes that my body is going through. I will celebrate my new shape and curves. I will rock what I've got!
• Remember that sometimes I will have down moments. And in those times, I will remind myself of how awesome I am by looking in the mirror and saying, "I'm good! I can do this! I'm number one!"
• Accept that beauty isn't just about my looks. It's my awesome personality and my energy that creates a whole, unique package.

If there's anything in this treaty that you fight yourself on every day, today I also issue the challenge. Print this out and post it somewhere you'll read it every day, or even make a copy for every room in the house so you have a constant reminder of it. Highlight the ones that apply to you and say them out loud as you get ready for the day. 

The husband used to tease me because while I was losing weight I'd repeat to myself in the mirror (from What about Bob I think?) "You're good. You're great. You're Wonderful" and then I'd tag on "You can do hard things." 

Saying these things out loud, even if you're completely alone, makes whatever your goal is a true commitment. 

Pick one of these goals from the treaty and make it part of your day. Also be sure to sign on to thebiggestloser.com and sign the treaty. If you have an account already, here's the link that will take you directly to the treaty.

http://www.seventeen.com/health/tips/body-peace-pledge

I love you all. There's more to you than things to work on. Take the challenge today, and commit to a happier, healthier lifestyle by loving yourself first.