I haven't updated my blog since last September, which isn't surprising. I always have one hit post, then I have to make you wait over 6 months for the next great post.
Today is all about taking a stand and professing what I believe.
I believe in being positive.
I believe in fact, that if you want to change the world, you have to be positive.
Recently, I've been left unable to work. For those who don't know, I'm 7 months pregnant, due with my second baby boy which Scott and I are incredibly excited for.
Once I found out I was pregnant, I had this creeping feeling that this pregnancy wouldn't be a walk in the park- and as it turns out, I was completely right.
I've faced a number of health issues, which really aren't pregnancy related, but to keep baby safe, I stopped working in November.
It's been incredibly hard to not have the extra income or the social benefits I had when I was working but instead of letting that get me down, I decided something: I will not be idle. I will enjoy this part of my journey, and I will stay positive.
Granted, that's a really huge goal for someone as active and party like as me to take on in a part of life where I can't do what I love. But every day is a new opportunity to try again. I won't say I haven't had a weak moment or two, because - DUH yeah I have. But today's post is to express that life doesn't end when hard times come. In fact, I feel a lot has just begun.
"I will not be idle."
I spent several weeks in the hospital receiving IV's at the beginning of my pregnancy and that's where this all started.
While getting fluids, I had 3 hours a few times a week where all I did was lay in bed and watch "Boy Meets World" and the only people I saw were the nurses that would hook me up and check on me every hour. So one day, I decided to not be idle while spending all my afternoons in the hospital. I wanted to get moving and be productive in some way.
I brought yarn and dusted off my old crochet hooks and began designing scarves for friends and family. My husband saw my love for these scarves bloom and suggested starting an Instagram to maybe sell them and receive some sort of payment for all the money spent on this new hobby.
@echoscarfco was born and next thing I knew, I was being involved in loop giveaways, and selling scarves to people in different countries like Japan and Scotland.
I started a website, echoscarfco.storenvy.com and again, just sat back and watched this little business start.
I took an old, OLD hobby that I used to love, reignited that love and made it into something that's benefited my sanity as well as my family.
"I will enjoy this part of my journey."
My last pregnancy, I remember getting to that point where you're just ginormous and you don't even fit into maternity clothing and you just ache and want to hold this baby you've been cooking for the last 9 months-- I was sitting on my moms bed whining and complaining for a solid hour of more.
Once my vent finally ended, she responded with "you need to get up, quit crying and enjoy this. Enjoy this time, here and now, because you'll never get this back."
I remember being SO OFFENDED. Not like she had been pregnant 5 times in her life or had raised kids of her own right? HA.
In that moment, I was too lame to realize that she was (as usual), right. Nine months really is no time in the grand scheme of things. There are women out there who would trade ANYTHING to experience these short nine months that I so selfishly was whining about, which leads me to the next goal. To enjoy this and each part of my life and my journey.
I've woken up every day trying to see everything as new and beautiful and set my phone down and just be with Ashton during the day. I've had the amazing opportunity to watch him grow. Even though I was only working a few hours a day, I feel like there was so much I was missing that now, while I'm not really working out side of the home, I get to experience and love. I've had the chance to teach him things, and explore and garden and color and play and do so much with him. It's been nothing short of magic.
I've also taken the opportunity to learn to budget and Scott and I set goals every few weeks on how to better ourselves. I've also rediscovered ANOTHER long lost love, of cooking and meal planning.
When I teach, I work right in the middle of dinner time so often we would just get take out every night, or just not eat until the late hour of the night- which is NOT BAD when we were in that lifestyle ps.
--WORKING PARENTS- please don't feel in any way you're failing because you eat take out or you don't get to be with your children 24/7. We do the best we can and we shouldn't worry about the rest! This is just me explaining my current situation and again, searching for positives!--
Continuing: I used to spend every summer when I wasn't in school looking up recipes and cooking for my family, which I LOVED. Once Scott and I got married and were both working full time AND we had the world's smallest kitchen spaces, that love got put away until now.
Getting out my fancy knives and taking time to cook healthy and fun meals for my family to enjoy has just rekindled my love of cooking and has motivated me to be a better home maker. Again, looking for healthy and inexpensive meals that I can have ready for Scott when he gets home, and sitting together as a family and enjoying each other after working hard to provide a good meal; It's incredibly rewarding.
Also, for the first time in YEARS... seriously like 5 years, we have clothes in our drawers. We have socks paired. My kitchen is almost presentable ... hahaha! That one will probably never happen.. BUT it's been neat to find things to do that are keeping me happy, and busy and productive. It's been a blessing to learn new things and relearn lost loves to help me enjoy this stage of life.
I also have made time to practice the piano and singing again which I haven't made time for since my indie band days after high school. It's been an amazing stress reliever to go and pound out frustrations on my piano, which I haven't had a piano or time for in again- YEARS. Music was a major part of my life, and where my career was headed at one point. To practice and make time for piano and singing has brought back so much joy too!
"I will stay positive."
This one has probably been the hardest of all, but again, a great goal to start the day with. I won't lie, I've had my share of pretty terrible days that have included those where I'm too sick to even feed my child, day's where I am so weak, all I can feel to do is lay on the couch and cry, the days where I feel like I'm completely alone, and the days where I feel like everything would be better if I could just spend an hour at the gym with my friends and loud music.
We ALL have those days. If we didn't, we wouldn't be able to see the good in them, or the good that follows. We wouldn't be able to cherish those good moments or even overcoming the bad.
So, here's what I've done.
I mentioned previously that I've spent a lot of time falling in love again with old hobbies. That's been a huge blessing; Cooking, practicing piano, gardening, taking charge of our home, being with Ashton.
With the weather as amazing as it's been (which I also completely count as a blessing. Heavenly Father knows how much I love and crave the sunshine.), we've gone on walks and we spend several hours outside soaking up the sun, and playing until Ashton and I are too tired to do anything else!
I've made time to read or listen to happy, and uplifting LDS messages, Ellen DeGeneres audio books and uplifting quotes that just are daily reminders of how amazing life is and how much we need to open our eyes to it.
Loneliness has been my greatest hardship - so what have I done for that? I've set aside time to hang with girls in my ward and rekindle old friendships. Tuesday nights have become "BACHELOR NIGHTS" where I just have my friends come over and watch The Bachelor, and we talk and laugh and make fun of the contestants on the show together.
Also, spending time with my amazing mom and family members has also been huge. I love my family and I'm so blessed to have such a close knit family. Ashton and I just wake up early some days and make breakfast to eat with my mom and I get to listen to her stories about work and the past and I just feel empowered and ready to take on the world after being with her for a couple hours.
I just want to finish with this last thought.
We have so much to give and learn and do. Depression is still a huge part of my life and although we can't always "square our shoulders and be happy", there is still so much we can do to make a hard situation, less hard. And who knows, we may even look back and realize we made the best of those situations to a point where we even enjoyed them.
Be productive today. Do something you love, and stay positive.
In the words of Anne Frank, "Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."
I love you all.
