ME: Weakness and finding strength today.

I'll be honest.
I'm exhausted.
Physically, mentally, emotionally.

I've been sick all week with an illness no one can figure out.. I'm super upset.

The only thing that usually makes me feel better-exercise, isn't physically possible.
I have been trapped in my basement, black hole of an apartment alone with my poor child whom I cannot take care of, because I'm confined to my couch, and the toilet side.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I'm so over not being able to do simple things like clean my house, and take care of Ashton as well as everything else. I haven't worked in a solid week. 

I need my healthy body back.

I need my motivation back.

I need Andrea back.

Okay. I'm done venting. I'm sorry. 

I'm grateful for things too.

My sister, Ali is in my kitchen washing my dishes as I sit here complaining.

My friends have brought in dinners, flowers and sent me kind notes and messages of encouragement and love.

My God has looked upon me and probably laughed at how dumb I look writhing about on the floor, but he has been with me. He has given me the sweetest little boy that when I'm crying or moping on the floor, will come tackle me and growl and laugh and smile at me until I can muster up the energy to smile and laugh back.

I've had help at work from Shelly, and Michelle and Hettie who have been so supportive, and have made time to help me even though they have lives, families and other responsibilities to attend to.

I've had Dr. John working to help me although he is SOOOOO busy. He's taken out his extra time to try and get me in for all these tests and things to help solve the medical mystery that is Andrea Veenker.

Also so grateful for Al, Lindsey, Tasi and my Scott who have helped me just by letting me cry and vent and talk, and just hugging me and telling me kind words. Thank you Scott for the blessings and the help with Ashton when I can't do anything.

Although I am upset, hurting and in tears 97% of the time, my heart is full at the love and support shown to me as I've been sick.

I'm not a negative person, so I'm probably driving everyone so crazy lately, and they still come back to help time and time again.

Thank you everyone. Thank you family, friends and medical professionals for the work and help.

As for me, I'm going to find a craft I can do to keep my chin up in this hard time.. also a craft that can be done from my living room floor seeing as this is where I've been and will be for a while.

Love,
Me.